![]() ![]() For example, you might be very happy renting an apartment, but if all your friends start buying their own places, you may start feeling like you’re “behind” because you haven’t bought a place of your own. This concept, coined by French philosopher Rene Girard, means that what we want is powerfully influenced by what others want-and sometimes we don’t even realize it. ![]() Untangling your wants from others might be harder than it seems, thanks to something called mimetic desire. ![]() The first C is to clarify what’s most important to you, which you do by thinking carefully about what you care about and what you don’t. Our decision-making process is called the 5Cs, and it covers all the bases when making a big life decision. Slow down your decision-making by going through each step of a specific process when facing a big decision. By taking our time, we increase the likelihood of making sure we’ve thought through all the angles needed to move forward with confidence. Major decisions rarely need to be made in an instant. Instead of being excited, Lisa felt sheepish and wished she’d handled things differently. It was true that the extra money would be helpful, but this involved uprooting their lives, and they had only been to Chicago once on vacation. She thought her girlfriend would be supportive, especially since the new job came with a big raise, but later that day, when she told her, her girlfriend was shocked. Angry about the negative review (her first ever,) Lisa called her boss back and gave notice that same day. One day, she received a negative performance review from her boss, and a few hours later, she got a job offer from the other company. She felt like she was on rocky ground at work, so she responded to a cold email from a recruiter and began interviewing with a new company in Chicago. Lisa had recently gotten a new boss, and unfortunately things weren’t going well. “Major decisions rarely need to be made in an instant.” Take Lisa, who lived in Florida, where she had worked for the same company for three years, and had a girlfriend she lived with and had been dating for the same amount of time. Sometimes big emotions, like anger, fear, or guilt can make us rush into decisions. Humans don’t like uncertainty, and we often just want to get a decision over with-but rushing can lead to regret. Money and love decisions shouldn’t be made in haste. The more you think about it in advance or talk about it with the person with whom you’re considering spending the rest of your life, the better off you’ll be. Before agreeing to spend the rest of your life with someone, think about how that decision might affect your career and your finances-because it will. Thinking about big decisions holistically yields significantly better results.įor example, before accepting a new job, consider how that job will impact your relationships-because it will, whether you anticipate it or not. How about having children while pursuing a career? Again, not just about money or love. It’s not just about money and it’s not just about love. Take the decision about where to live and when to move. When we acknowledge that life’s biggest decisions involve both money and love, considering them jointly allows us to make better decisions that leave us happier and more fulfilled. Yet these decisions affect each other and compartmentalizing them does us a great disservice. We often get advice to not let money concerns influence our decisions about love, and never to allow love to influence our decisions about money. Decisions about money and love are profoundly intertwined.Ĭonventional wisdom teaches us that we should take completely different approaches for these two topics. Listen to the audio version-read by Myra and Abby-in the Next Big Idea App. She was formerly the President of the Gap Foundation, and co-founded the employee resource group for working parents at Gap Inc., which has been featured as a best practice for how employers can support dual-career couples.īelow, Myra and Aby share 5 key insights from their new book, Money and Love: An Intelligent Roadmap for Life’s Biggest Decisions. She was the founding director of the Stanford Center for Research on Women (now the Clayman Institute for Gender Research) and the first chair of the National Council for Research on Women.Ībby Davisson is a social innovation leader and career development expert. Myra Strober is a labor economist and former Stanford Professor Emerita at Stanford Business School. ![]()
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